How and Why I Moved to Cambodia
I moved to Siem Reap, Cambodia, in December 2019 – if you follow me on Instagram you’ll already know that. A lot of people have asked me about how and why I decided to move to Cambodia, and how I facilitated the move. I’ve now been here for 7 months, so I thought it was time to answer that question.
Before I dive in, I want to tell you that this isn’t an article that will tell you that if you dream it, you can achieve it. I am someone who believes in the power of taking 100% responsibility for our own lives and in the power of visualisation. However, I am incredibly aware of my privilege as a white woman with the benefit of the British health care system, free schooling, and the opportunities that came to me growing up in a slightly above average income household.
These privileges have become even more front of my mind since moving to Cambodia. We are so lucky in the West to receive a free education until the age of 18. I’m not sure about where you’re from or what your education was like, but I know even at primary school it was expected that we could read and write. If you don’t pass your maths GCSE, largely you’re expected to take it again. In Cambodia, many of the teachers who are teaching children haven’t moved past third grade. So, whilst I did make this move to Cambodia happen – I had a lot behind me that could help me get here. And if you’re reading this too and can read at a native English level (I’m hesitant to say this as I don’t want to offend) you’ve probably got quite a lot going for you to make big changes. If you want too.
So how did my move to Cambodia happen?
In July of last year, my friend Catherine and I were planning our summer holiday. She was finishing off a big piece of work and wanted to escape for two weeks, and I am always happy to go on a holiday. The people who know me well will roll their eyes at the accuracy of this. We were originally looking at Europe, but the pound was so weak against the euro it turned out it would be cheaper to go further afield. We threw a variety of Secret Escape links to each other including Mexico, Hawaii, and some other far-flung destinations. As luck would have it – I see it as luck now or sometimes as divine guidance (depends what day it is) – when we clicked through on these great deals, they were thousands and thousands of pounds. I am eternally financially cautious; I don’t like to spend a lot of money on anything. It makes me nervous. So, I did a bit of digging on my own and I found this beautiful looking hotel called Navutu Dreams that had a lovely pool (three actually) and daily yoga on offer. It ticked all the boxes. And it just happened to be in Siem Reap, Cambodia.
Spoiler alert: The hotel is where I now teach yoga every week, and where I’m currently writing this blog.
Back to last July, I found this beautiful hotel and it was off-season so they had some great deals on room stays. I looked up flights and realised flights plus accommodation (including breakfast) would be less than the other holidays we’d looked at by a long way.
So Siem Reap it was. Part of me had always wanted to come to Cambodia. My auntie had always wanted to visit the Angkor Wat temples, unfortunately, she died before she managed to. But I have visited them many times now. Every time I visit, I light incense and speak to her. I always feel like she’s with me there, looking down on me happy that I am in a place I love. I’m glad I get to go and see those templates for her too.
August 2019: First time in Cambodia
We arrived in Cambodia in August 2019, it was rainy season so we didn’t get quite the beautiful weather that we had both been expecting. But we did get to relax and enjoy the beautiful tropical surroundings of Navutu and get some well-needed downtime.
I’d been having a really difficult time with my mental health before the holiday. I had spent two and a half months in a funk (clinically diagnosed by my GP as severe depression) and was struggling to get out of bed most days. If I am honest, the few months before I came to Siem Reap for the first time were probably the hardest of my life. Even harder than when I was trying hard to stop drinking because I had stopped drinking and my life looked great but I felt hopeless.
My depression normally comes out in full force in the winter months. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sunlight, or psychosomatic because I think it is the lack of sunlight. But in 2019 it hit hard in June. I’ve been working remotely for years, pre COVID, and pre the move to Cambodia. This means, and it’s a good and bad thing, that I can work from bed. And that there is no one around (single joy) to know if I’m working from bed or if I’ve got dressed that day. So, for the months before I got on the plane to Cambodia, I largely lived in my pyjamas. I’d put on my yoga clothes or trackie bottoms, if I wanted to go to Lidl to buy a cinnamon bun to eat my feelings (I did a lot of this at that time) or if I had to head out to teach a yoga class. I was teaching a lot of yoga then, I think 10 classes a week, and working full time. It can be hard to put on a brave shiny face when you teach yoga and to hold a safe space for students. I’ve become an expert at it. The students don’t turn up for your poor mental health, they turn up to explore and to feel better about themselves. It was a small mercy for me in those months being able to facilitate that for my students, even though I couldn’t facilitate it for myself.
In July 2019, I went to my GP and said life is not working for me anymore. I’m not getting out of bed, I’m really low. I’d started working with a new therapist in April, and we had discussed me going back on antidepressants. I didn’t want to spend the rest of the year in bed. I was already doing everything else I could think of, I had tried all of the holistic approaches. Deciding to take medicine again, felt like the right decision for me.
The first month back on medication, the same medication I used to take when I was in London, left me feeling beyond worse. I was a zombie. It was terrible. It wasn’t an adjustment process, which sometimes happens when you take antidepressants, it was just the wrong medication for me this time. So back to the doctors I went, and we switched my medication. I started taking my new meds two weeks before we flew to Cambodia. I’ll never know if my love for Cambodia and me feeling so connected to the country, is in some part because my first trip here intersected with when the anti-depressants started working. But whatever led me here, I’m glad it did.
I spent two weeks in Siem Reap on that holiday, largely in the hotel. I just needed to rest and read and chill. Towards the end of the holiday, we got a bit more adventurous and went to the temples, to a waterfall, and a floating village. We ticked the tourist boxes. I didn’t realise then there was so much more to Siem Reap but I already knew that it felt like home.
I ventured out solo a couple of times to cafés, and I always felt safe. Lots of expats here moan about the heat but honestly, except for a few days in May where it is stifling, I love it. My brother arrived a few days before I was due to fly home last year, and we explored a bit more of Siem Reap together. By that time, I’d met a yoga teacher at Navutu and she shared lots of recommendations with me about where to go and what to eat in town. We ate our way around Siem Reap for those last few days, and I ate a lot of gelato. Gelato Lab might be another reason I moved here. Oh my gosh, they make the best (vegan) dark chocolate sorbet you have ever tried. I might have to go there later actually.
Making a plan to move to Cambodia
When it was time to leave, I didn’t want to go home. I wasn’t ready. I loved everything I had seen of Siem Reap. I didn’t understand then the poverty and hardship that I now see, but I knew it was a place I wanted to come back to. On the holiday, I’d spoken about how I wanted to move here. I had this plan in my head, that I would do another year of work. I would save some more money; I would train to be a TEFL teacher, and then I’d like to move out at the end of December 2020. At this point, in September 2019, it had only been six months since I bought my house. I put a lot of barriers in my own way of thinking why I wouldn’t be able to move sooner. One of my brothers has lived overseas since he was 18, and he’s always been my biggest champion to move abroad too. So he was fully behind this decision whilst we were on holiday (once I’d convinced him that Siem Reap was awesome).
I got home on September 6, 2019. I was back at work on Monday. I was sat in my lovely house with my lovely dog, and I just felt lost. I felt stuck. I am not in any way moaning about my life in England. I know that it is a life that many people would love, and I’m sure it’s a life that I will love again someday. Yet then, it wasn’t working for me. By Tuesday, I had a full-on meltdown. I could not stop crying. Huge sobs. I quit my job on Wednesday. This turned out to be rash, as I still do that job now. But I think it was part of the process.
On Thursday, I traveled to London to see some of my friends and to have a meeting about a project I was meant to be involved in in 2020. On the train on the way there, I decided I was moving back to Cambodia in January 2020. I told all the friends I met that day that I was going to move to Cambodia, I worked out in my head how I was going to do it. I asked mum if she would look after my gorgeous doggie Margot, I felt like the worst dog owner in the world leaving her, but I just knew I needed to do it. I couldn’t stay stuck any longer.
Over the next few weeks, I did a bit more research. Google informed me that the best weather in Cambodia was December through February, so I decided to go in December. I booked my flight for December 4th and – I have no doubt this is going to sound frustrating as you read this – everything else fell into place. The house sorted itself out, and my brother looks after Margot. This means she gets to stay with her dad too, both the dachshunds together. I sorted out my new working arrangements with my job, I can’t fault my workmates and bosses as people, they are so flexible and understanding. I let all my yoga classes go, I said goodbye to all my students. I packed up my bedroom and put all the things in my garage. And then I moved to my mums a week before I left.
I had originally booked an Airbnb to stay in for my first month in Cambodia. However, I had reconnected with the yoga teacher I’d met when I was staying at Navutu and as luck would have it she had just signed for a new house. She realised she’d move into the new house the day I flew out to Siam Reap. The house was a two-bed, and her plan was to Airbnb her second room once she’d settled in. She asked if I might like to stay with her while I settled in myself, and while I look for an apartment. Being the anxious bunny that I am, I was worried about cancelling the Airbnb I had originally booked and letting the host down. But I let my people-pleasing tendencies go, and said yes! Wow am I glad I did, her house is so beautiful. And we’ve become great friends. I had a wonderful month’s stay, it was so nice that I was gutted to leave when I found my own apartment.
One decision, and then lots more
So that’s how it happened. One tiny decision, I wanted to move. And then lots and lots more decisions, and not backing out when it seemed scary. Because it did seem scary at some points, I was worried about the life I was leaving behind, I was worried about all my friends forgetting about me. I was worried I was a terrible person to leave behind my dog, I was worried that everyone was settling down, getting engaged, having babies and here I am fucking off to Cambodia. Still single. But, I am so glad I didn’t let any of that stop me. It has been the best – albeit the strangest with COVID – 7 months of my life to date.
It hasn’t all been easy. My anxiety and depression haven’t disappeared, although I had a lovely first three months here where I thought that they had. It turns out you can move 10,000 miles away from home but you (I) can’t escape your problems. I wish my mum was here, and my friends and my dog. But they are only a plane ride away (when travel allows). And I have found a new family here, great friends and a place where I feel like home. I’m so happy to be here. If you have any questions, please send me an email or message me on Instagram. I’m happy to answer them.
Can I leave you with this?
Can I leave you with this? Make the decisions that feel right for you. Even if they are big scary ones. I rely on other people’s opinions way too much, and I always have. But I am so happy that I didn’t let those opinions stop me from doing this, that I didn’t let people’s doubts stop me from making this move to Cambodia. It’s easy to stay stuck. It’s hard to back yourself and make changes. And I’m not talking about moving to Cambodia changes, I get that this was a pretty drastic decision, I’m talking about any changes. If you – like me – worry about changing yoga classes, or where you do your supermarket shop; all the way up the change ladder to bigger things like career and relationships. Trust yourself. Trust your own instincts. You’ve got this.
Sending so much love xxx
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