Remembering I Don’t Need to Drink Alcohol to Have Fun: the initial challenge of giving up alcohol
When I first stopped drinking, I went through my personal Instagram account and deleted every single photo of me with an alcoholic drink in my hand. It was an instinctive thing to do. The main challenge of giving up alcohol for me was thinking I would never have fun again. Subsequently, I could not bear to look at photos of me drinking. I didn’t want to see myself looking good and having fun.
The initial challenge of giving up alcohol
I had completely forgotten about the photo deleting episode until last week. I was on holiday with eight of my best friends in the world. We’re all in our twenties, we met at university and bonded over nights out and two for £6 bottles of wine we bought, or borrowed on tic, from the corner shop.
On holiday in Valencia there was wine, and tequila cocktails, and cerveza con limon (my old favourite) and it looked like a lot of fun. I stuck with my diet coke and San Miguel 0.0. These days I find it relatively easy to stay sober and say no to the drinks, but l couldn’t escape thoughts that sobriety sucked. I had a wonderful holiday, but these thoughts made it a difficult one in my head. Sobriety does not suck, nor do I think it does most days, but the thoughts were confrontational and brought to light some beliefs I didn’t realise were still there.
The challenges I faced in the early days of not drinking were telling other people, saying no to the first drink, not buying alcohol on a bad day and staying home instead of going out on night’s where I was close to hitting the *fuck it* button.
The challenge of giving up alcohol these days isn’t the initial no thank you, I’m used to that, it’s the voice in my head that whispers you need to drink to be fun.
I have over a year and a half of sobriety under my belt. I’m at 627 days as I write this. In other words, I thought I was past thinking that alcohol was fun juice. I thought I was past thinking I was a loser for not drinking it. However, it turns out that thought was just buried deep in the back of my head. Like a pair of old trainers you thought you threw away, but are in fact hiding in the back of your wardrobe making everything smell a bit off. When you delve deep enough to discover them, the smell hits you like a tonne of bricks. Yeah, the thought was like that.
Positive portrayals of alcohol are everywhere. It is inescapable and a massive challenge when giving up alcohol. Every year, companies spend billions on alcohol marketing. They present booze as glamorous and cool. It is spent on selling alcohol as a signifier of affluence. Presenting it as something we need to have fun and spend money on. AB Inbev and Diageo, two of the world’s biggest alcoholic drinks makers, have reported spending as much as 15% of their annual global sales back into marketing, amounting to $7bn (£5.75bn) and £1.6bn respectively.
And it’s not just straight forward brand advertising, alcohol’s positive portrayal infiltrates every aspect of our culture: Cosmopolitans in Sex and The City, the very expensive whisky they drink in Suits, in real life Moet sponsoring my fave podcast the High Low and Mahiki sponsoring the Henley Royal Regatta. We are told, over and over again, that alcohol is the key to socialising, fitting in and having fun.
That shiny, sexy vibe that I/we associate with drinking is so hard to shake off.
I know it is not my reality, but it still plays like a video in my mind and if I’m not careful (as I haven’t been of late) I start to think that I’m missing out by not drinking. What to do in these situations? I take my friend Catherine Gray’s advice and “dismantle the fantasy and replace it with reality”.
Those drinking photos I deleted from my Instagram, the very definition of an instasham. Nights that started well, all dressed up and surrounded by my best friends would end in an argument. Or regrettable texts. Perhaps a blackout not remembering how I got home. Even quiet nights, catching up with a friend over a couple of glasses of wine, left me with crippling anxiety the next day. Sober, I no longer have to power through days at work dosing myself up with anti-anxiety pills. I don’t want to waste my life counting down the hours ‘til I could be home sitting in bed alone.
Fun looks different to me these days. I remind myself of that when the voice in my head tells me I need alcohol to have fun. Consequently, there are so many ways to have fun without alcohol. Long walks with the dogs. Beach trips. Yoga classes. Coffee dates. Hangover free holidays. Similarly, cosy meals with friends where I stay present enough to remember our entire conversation. The occasional night out where I drive home whenever I want to and wake up clear-headed the next day. I haven’t had a hangover for 628 days. This has equalled many more days of fun than a few drinks could have done. Without any of the anxiety or shame that used to come with it.
You don’t need to drink alcohol to have fun
I don’t need to drink to have fun, and neither do you if you don’t want too. Let’s accept what alcohol marketing doesn’t want us to, we can do it all and have it all sober. But what we want, might look a little different than before.
Enjoyed this post? Keep reading:
Going Sober: 6 things I’ve learnt at 500 days alcohol free
Staying Sober: Choosing A Hangover Free Life
How to Stop Drinking: 7 Things That Might Help
September 12, 2018 @ 2:17 PM
Such an inspiring post and one that rings true with my heart. One of the most difficult things I found that was before I stopped drinking, I was so worried that I would be bored, boring and just wouldn’t be able to have any fun. Romanticizing about picnics with champagne, cosy dinners with a glass (or 4) of red, beer with the boys on a Sunday afternoon, made it so difficult to take that first step. You are so right when you say that your version of fun is different, mine is too and so much better. Thank you, I needed to read this today.
June 1, 2019 @ 6:35 AM
Ever proud of you. Its hard giving up something enriched in our lives. Unfortunately society still finds it difficult when people choose to deviate from the norm but you got to stick to your guns. There are plenty of ways to have a happy lifestyle with clarity that doesn’t involve drinking.
You’re an inspiration.
June 1, 2019 @ 6:52 AM
I haven’t read all of your post but i read the bbc article. Fantastic. Keep up the great life. One day at a time.
June 1, 2019 @ 7:47 AM
It’s good that you did this but it’s about time really that you young people realise the consequences of your drinking and designer clothes. The only reason we baby boomers have got what we have now is because of hard work, very little booze and no excessive spending on clothes, cars, phones and the like. Get more of your generation to do what you have done and we’ll done.
June 1, 2019 @ 8:18 AM
You are completely right.. we do not need to drink to have fun! We didn’t need to drink as children to have fun so why do we need to drink to have fun as adults? I’m glad you’ve seen alcohol for what it is…a huge con designed to get money out of your pocket and into the coffers of big business. You’ve made the right choice, stick with it!
June 1, 2019 @ 8:50 AM
Great blog site and you are a trailblazer for what I believe is a growing trend. My boyfriend are and I started out this year not drinking alcohol as we thought it had just become a habit and so expensive! We have found we are dong so much more with our lives now and we are really enjoying better sleep, and more fulfilled lives. Please keep blogging and help spread the positiveness ☺️
June 1, 2019 @ 9:04 AM
Great blog Laurie
So good to read your bold, courageous and compassionate story
June 1, 2019 @ 10:43 AM
Great blog. Just saw the article about you on the BBC news app. I stopped drinking, for similar reasons 10 years ago (though my drinking was pretty infrequent by then). The interesting thing is other people’s reactions. They generally fall into two categories: 1) just bewildered and b) offended. The latter in my view is a sign of people with a problematic relationship with alcohol and there are a lot of them!
June 1, 2019 @ 10:45 AM
Thank you for sharing your story, I also used to have those nights out in London and decided to stop and even saw a counsellor initially after moving to Poole. One thing that stayed with me was how we see having a drink as a treat. If you replace alcohol with another treat, like a nice bath, dessert or elderflower fizz it is easier. Also setting your expectations as well as others at key points (for me currently Thursday and Friday evenings) that you’re not having a drink and that it is a craving like any other (eg chocolate) that will pass. I was also surprised how friends / relatives didn’t abandon me when I decided to stop. Turns out some of that peer pressure was actually in my head! Think we have a cultural problem currently and hope it doesn’t lead to too many health problems down the line. Anyway, I shall follow you blog with great interest. Keep up the good work!
June 1, 2019 @ 10:54 AM
Well done you! I’m thinking of doing the same.. couldn’t agree more with your decision..for me it’s been a separation, socialising and dating..and work drinks all rolled into a 3 month jolly…which is now showing up in my health. Like you I’ve woken up after 5 days of no drinking feeling almost normal..with the words .. I’m done with this rattling around my head.
Coming across the article on the BBC rang so true in my mind.
Well done for being strong… Im gonna join your club..the non drinking one!
Good luck!
June 1, 2019 @ 2:33 PM
Hello beautiful soul,
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s inspiring. I live in Colombia, S.A. and started trying to get sober at age 26 for similar reasons. was able for 10 months and slipped. Got sober a year later and after 7 years fell off the wagon again. Stopped again 2 years later and lasted 4 years sober, once again, after 2 years I stopped and I have 4 and half years sober now. Having a support group, a spiritual lifestyle and reading blogs or hearing stories like yours helps me keep it that way. No 2 two people are the same but I do suggest you keep having those sober friends you talk about and spend as much time as possible with them. AA is also a good place. I wish you happy trails.