Some thoughts on when enough is enough.

When enough is enough.

I am on my way out of six months of depression. Or, at least, I hope I am. I hope that this colour I see in the world again is not a temporary reprise of the damp grey that has enclosed my life since the beginning of the year.

There have, I acknowledge, been positives this year. I bought a house (fuck) and I’ve had some good work opportunities. Yet my mental health has not been so good.

It has been a reminder to me that although – admittedly – enough money, job security and ‘achievements’ make life easier; they do not guarantee good health. In my case, and I am sure for many others too, they do not protect me from issues with my mental health.

I live with high functioning anxiety all the time. It turns out, much of the Western world live with anxiety. There’s lots of research on this if you would like an enlightening Google.

I’ve learnt most of the time to manage and sit with my anxiety now. And a game-changing book, First We Make The Beast Beautiful by Sarah Wilson, has transformed the way I see and live with my anxiety. (You should read it too, more on that later).

But adding a severe bout of depression to my anxiety creates a hellish whirligig of apathy, lethargy and a self-critic who tells you me that I should be doing 1000 things. At the same time it feels like the other side of my brain has slowed down so much, I’m struggling to speak in coherent sentences. This is my lived experience, and not research, and I am acutely aware that mental health and its symptoms affect us all differently.

I’ll get to the point now. I haven’t overshared on the current state of my mental health for no reason, I promise.

My spiralling low/poor/bad (I’m never quite sure what the right word is) mental health has forced me to remember a lesson I learnt a long time ago:

It is ok to say enough is enough.

It is ok to give yourself permission to stop doing what you are doing, or to seek help for harmful behaviour, or to remove yourself from harmful situations.

You/I do not need anyone else’s permission or input

Brené Brown (goddess) says that for her, asking for advice on a decision is a red flag. A red flag tells her she is heading in the wrong direction, she’s in the wrong mindset and she needs to get a grip.

If I’m honest with myself, the same is true for me. Is it true for you too?

Almost all of the time (never say never), when I am asking for advice on a decision, I already know what I want or need to do.  In asking the question to someone else, I am either looking for confirmation from friends that it is the right thing to do or justification to not do it.

But it’s my life. I have 100% responsibility for it. My friend Stephanie Chivers taught me that.

Friends. Family. Partners. Co-workers. They all have skin in the game. They are not objective. And most importantly, they are not you.

Some questions I have attempted to outsource to others in the past:

• Do you think I should stop drinking?
• Is it a good idea to do my yoga teacher training?
• Should I break up with this man who makes me miserable?
• Is it ok to move back to Norfolk?
• Do you think I should go back on anti-depressants?
• Should I quit my job?

I’m sure your questions look different to mine. I could go on listing them for much longer, but I’m assuming by now you get the point.

Whether it was buried deep or flashing in neon lights, I knew the answers to all of those questions.

The Jungian definition of introvert and extrovert, asserts that the way we make decisions (and live) attributes to our attitude type. For Jung, extroverts are outward looking and they’ll outsource to the group. Whereas introverts look inwards, considering and making decisions internally. The tribe mentality which we have inherited from our ancestors, of looking after the pack, also holds some influence according to Will Storr. (I have just read his book, Selfie).

But I have learnt that I can use my desire to reach out to those around me to discuss my decisions once I have made them. To ask for advice, or guidance, or simply to share my process and feel less alone.

• I’m going to stop drinking, can you support me?
• Hey, I’m moving back to Norfolk next month. I know you moved recently, any tips for me?
• I’m struggling with money and I know you’re good with it. Could you help me make a budget?

It is time stop asking other people questions we already know the answers too, and start asking for help instead.

And if you need any help with sobriety, moving to the countryside or yoga; I’m your girl.

Did you enjoy this post? You might also like:

OVERCOMING ANXIETY: 5 TOOLS THAT HELP ME MANAGE MY ANXIETY 

COFFEE AND ANXIETY. IS IT TIME TO KICK THE CAFFEINE HABIT?

IN SEARCH OF A SIMPLER LIFE