This milestone snuck up on me, I remember I was so excited for the 100 day mark (in fact I blogged about it) & now this “I’ve quit drinking” thing, it feels normal most of the time.
It’s amazed me how much more ‘me’ I could feel. It took a few months to settle in and a few more to feel a real difference but now, now I feel more like me than ever.
Last week In Love with a Stranger came on and I realised the stranger I was associating with was myself. I have been, at times, a stranger to myself. I am a me I’ve never met before but me all the same. The stories that I’ve told myself about me, that have linked together to make me, that have formed other peoples opinions of me … they don’t fit who I am any more.
They are part of my past but not part of this present.
I’m more comfortable in my skin, I know myself in ways I didn’t when my go to solution was wine. I’ve got better at looking after myself and better at managing my anxiety (again, much easier without the wine & additional hungover fear).
It’s not for everyone but I wish I knew two years ago, a year ago, 201 days ago what I know now. I wish I knew that once I’d pushed through a few awkward meals and odd conversations, the sober first date & the first few ‘terrible’ days that things would be so much better. That I would feel so much better. That not drinking isn’t the most terrible thing in the world, that it’s an eye opening adventure and I am not – and have never been – alone in it.
One of the best things I did in those early days (and the thing that made this different from all the stop/start times before) was to create this blog & my ‘gram to talk about it. I stopped hiding what I was trying to do, I started talking & writing about it & the support … the support from all of you – from the communities on Facebook, on Instagram and those who read my blog, I couldn’t ask for more.
Not every day is roses but today, today is pretty good.
Some things that helped me on my journey to quit drinking:
Telling my friends and family I had quit drinking, accountability is key
Talking to my friends and family regularly
Connecting with new people on this not drinking/alcohol free/mindful drinking journey
Welcome to The (Not) Drinking Diary Series! I’ll be chatting to people on alcohol and on life; about their sobriety, mindful drinking and/or alcohol free period.
Susie is based in Manchester, UK, & is one of the first people I connected with via Instagram when I first started my Not Drinking journey. She is a wife, mum of three, primary school teacher, yoga teacher and runner – yep she does a lot – and I’m very excited to share her story with you.
Read on for her not drinking diary …
Name: Susie
Age: 38
Location: Manchester, UK
1.What led you to think differently about drinking?
I was a heavy drinker for around twenty years. The first ten years was ‘normal’ heavy drinking, I guess. But during the second ten, after I became a mum, it slowly spiralled out of control. I became reliant on booze to de-stress, wind down and escape.
This reached a peak in September 2015. I was drinking every night and waking up most mornings feeling groggy, regretting the amount I’d drunk the night before. I tried time and time again to moderate but I just couldn’t do it. Finally one morning something clicked and I knew I had no choice but to stop. I hadn’t hit my rock bottom but I was definitely hurtling towards it.
My husband and I went out for dinner that night and I plucked up the courage to be honest with him. It was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had to face. He was surprised but incredibly supportive. We agreed that abstinence was the only way forward from that point.
I had no idea if I would be able to stop drinking and if I could, how long it would last but my husband promised to hold my hand every step of the way. He has been so patient, supportive and understanding ever since.
That night we cleared all the alcohol out of the house and I haven’t had a drink since.
2.How would you describe your relationship with alcohol now?
I haven’t had a drink for over 20 months now and I’d like to think I never will. It was really tough at first, such an emotional rollercoaster, but I was pretty determined so I just clung on.
Now it’s much easier. I still occasionally get cravings and sometimes my mind will play tricks on me, telling me I never really had a problem with drinking, but I’ve learned to ignore it and move on. I always remind myself, “This too shall pass”. On the whole I love living without alcohol. I stay sober because that makes me the best version of me, for myself but also for my husband and children.
3.What’s been the biggest challenge you’ve faced since your approach to alcohol shifted?
Just not pouring a drink when I really wanted one was the biggest challenge in the early days. Aside from that though, I have found it difficult to be honest and open about my issues with family and friends. I’m slowly growing in confidence with this though and I’m so grateful to be surrounded by a loving and supportive family.
4.What lessons have you learnt about life (and yourself) since your relationship with alcohol has changed?
I always thought I needed alcohol to have fun, to feel free, to celebrate, to commiserate, to fuel adventures, to de-stress, to escape. It turns out I was wrong. I’ve learned I can do all of these things, and much more, without booze. I have a ‘never say never’ attitude now. Achieving the one thing I never thought I could do has made me feel invincible.
I realise all the things I thought I knew about myself are not set in stone and I can be who ever I want to be.
5. How do you start your day? Do you have a morning routine?
I usually wake around half 6 to the sound of my kids playing in their rooms. When I was drinking, being woken early by the kids used to irritate me. Now when I wake, I smile and think of all that I am grateful for.
6. Do you have any rituals you always make time for?
Running and yoga. I try to do one or the other every day.
I crave the headspace, me-time and endorphin rush they provide.
7. What’s your favourite thing to do (hangover free & not drinking) at the weekend?
I live in the centre of a busy town but there is a lot of beautiful countryside nearby. I love to spend time outdoors with my family, walking and talking in the fresh air. I’m also very happy just being at home at the weekends. I love that I don’t lose a day (or two) of that precious time to a hangover any more.
8. When it comes to your own personal development, what is one thing that you’re working on or learning right now?
In terms of personal development, I have found that supporting others who are trying to live booze-free is really helping to strengthen my own sobriety.
I’m also currently trying to develop a regular meditation practice. I still find it difficult to switch off and ‘tune in’ but I know I’ll get there!
9. What is the one thing you’re obsessed with at the moment that’s making your life better?
Yoga. I dipped in and out of practicing yoga for about 15 years but when I quit drinking I threw myself into going regularly to classes. It definitely helped to keep me focused on my sobriety and just made me feel good generally.
Last year I decided to take the plunge and train as a yoga teacher myself. I’m now qualified and teach a couple of classes a week. It’s such a good feeling to be passing on my love of yoga and helping others to feel its benefits. I never would have done this when I was still drinking.
10. And finally, thinking differently about alcohol can be challenging and isolating, is there any advice you turned to or do you have any words of wisdom for people reading this?
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
In the beginning I read lots of drinking memoirs and books about how to stop drinking. Lotta Dann’s “Mrs D is Going Without’ and Jason Vale’s “Kick the Drink… Easily” were both game changers for me. I also relied heavily on the online community ‘Living Sober’. I logged on every day and benefitted from the encouragement and understanding available there. Gradually I moved on from needing that level of support but I still log on occasionally to see how everyone is getting on.
I have focused a lot of my energy on building and maintaining a healthy and positive, sober lifestyle. I use my Instagram account to share the ways in which I’m doing this and I post on there regularly, mainly to keep myself accountable. Following lots of amazing ‘sober warriors’ on Instagram makes it a really inspirational place.
It easy to feel like you’re the only person in the world who doesn’t drink and its easy to think ‘poor me’ but there is so much support available and so many people out there who understand exactly how you’re feeling. You just have to be really brave, reach out for help and take it one day at a time.
Over time I’ve learned that not drinking isn’t a punishment, it’s a lifestyle choice and one that I’m super proud of.
The sun is shining (in the UK at least), the temperature is increasing and the nights are getting longer. Going out becomes more tempting, BBQ’s become a reality alongside a picnic date or two. And so the age old question what to drink when you’re not drinking question reappears …
So what to drink when you’re not drinking?
This is my first full summer not drinking, and I’m having fun trying alcohol free summer drinks. I used to love drinking lemon beers in the sun on holiday – cerveza con limon – and recently I found Becks Blue Lemon. It tastes just as yummy but is booze free. I’ll be turning to this as one of my go-to summer alcohol free drinks.
Recently, I read that sales of alcohol free drinks are at an all time high, with more of us deciding to stop drinking or moderate than ever before. I’m very excited about Club Soda’s Mindful Drinking festival that will be in July, the first ever alcohol free drinks festival. Tickets are free, and you can register for them on their website.
Having a wide variety of alcohol free drink choices to hand is really helpful
Whether you’re not drinking for health reasons, cutting down to lose weight or have committed to going alcohol free – in my experience, having something to drink that is not water helps with any temptation or annoying friends trying to encourage you.
The post I wrote about alcohol free alternatives to try is one of my most popular & so I thought I’d create a summer version as there is only so much diet coke one girl can drink …
However, if you find drinking alcohol free drinks triggers you to drink the booze version then I’d advise you stop reading this post here.
5 Alcohol Free Summer Drinks to try:
1.Becks Blue Lemon
I know I already mentioned this but it really is a good’un, tastes like the real thing. It is pretty sugary so I usually stick to only one or two. Becks Blue is cheap too, 6 for £3.50 in Sainsbury’s when I last checked …
2. Fit Beer
Another beer, my friend Joe – you can read his Not Drinking Diary here – and his wife gave me a Fit Beer when I met them for dinner and I think it’s the best non-alcoholic beer I’ve tried to date. I’ll caveat this by saying I was never much of a beer drinker so I’m probably not the most qualified opinion but, it’s light & fresh & one to try.
3. Fentimans Rose Lemonade
This is widely available in the UK (in alcohol free terms), stocked in Sainsbury’s, Waitrose & Tesco’s I think.
Made with pure Rose oil from the world-famous Rose Valley in Kazanlak, Bulgaria and the juice of real lemons – Fentimans Rose Lemonade tastes lovely & feels like a bit of a treat to drink. Fentimans do lots of different more grown up soft drinks – mum & dad stock their Ginger Beer & Curiosity Cola at their pub in Norfolk – you can find a local stockist here.
4. Shrb Prohibition Soda’s
A London based start up, Shrb make a prohibition soda in four flavours. Each has a complex flavour that is low in sugar – if you’ve done the alcohol free drinks rounds, you’ll know that finding something that isn’t sweet is hard! Anyway … these are good & not pretending to be anything they’re not. Inspired by Prohibition-era shrub making, the ingredients are steeped in apple cider vinegar for two days to capture the raw flavours… Shrub’s are set to be a big trend, with the New York Times recently stating:
“…shrub is a fast-rising star among both cocktail-nation kids and teetotalers with good palates. But it has roots in England…”
5. Alcohol Free Summer Pimms
Last but definitely not least! A recipe I’ve seen doing the rounds on the internet a lot recently and in many booze-free forums. I’ve tweaked this recipe from Pinterest, and a version was also recently featured on Club Soda, it really does taste quite close to the real thing!
Ingredients
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
2 litres of diet lemonade
Usual fruit accompaniments (I tend to go with whatever is in my fridge!), choose any of the below:
Apple
Cucumber
Mint
Lemon
Orange
Strawberries
Method (it really is this easy!)
Chop fruit and add it to a jug with the two tablespoons of balsamic vinegar.
Leave to soak for 30 minutes or more.
When ready to serve, add ice & diet lemonade. Pour into glasses & enjoy!
Super cheap to make with ingredients you already have at home, I just had to pick up a bottle of diet lemonade which I did for 50p!
Welcome to The (Not) Drinking Diary Series! I’ll be chatting to people on alcohol and on life; about their sobriety, mindful drinking and/or alcohol free period.
Lisa runs The Sober Hipster, a website aimed at empowering women in their journey of recovery and creativity. She has been a fantastic support to me via Instagram, given that she lives 4336 miles miles away from me (yep I just googled it). I’m excited to share her story here, she’s doing really cool entrepreneurial stuff with The Sober Hipster and I’m inspired by her daily.
Read on for her not drinking diary …
Name: Lisa Schmidt (The Sober Hipster)
Age: 40s
Location: Orlando, Fl
1.What led you to think differently about drinking?
My perspective on drinking changed when my life depended on it. In the fall (my fall) of 2013, I entered an intensive outpatient program for trauma counselling. One of the conditions of being in the program was no alcohol or drug use.
I’d never even considered dealing with my shit sober; however, I quickly learned it was the only way to truly find healing and change my life.
2.How would you describe your relationship with alcohol now?
I would describe my relationship with alcohol like a crazy ex-lover. I never want to go back.
3.What’s been the biggest challenge you’ve faced since your approach to alcohol shifted?
The biggest challenge I’ve faced is dealing with pain and loss sober. I didn’t think it was possible to face the death of someone you love without numbing the pain with alcohol.
4.What lessons have you learnt about life (and yourself) since your relationship with alcohol has changed?
That there’s more to having fun and socialising than drinking. Before sobriety, having a good time always included drinking. Always. I didn’t think I was fun to be around without it. I’ve learned the opposite is actually true.
5. How do you start your day? Do you have a morning routine?
I usually wake up anywhere between 2:00 AM and 4:00 AM and spend an hour or so practicing self-care, which could mean journaling, working on an art therapy project, reading, meditating, etc. Most of my ideas come to me during the night. Then I go back to bed and sleep for another couple of hours before getting up to go to my job as a corporate paralegal.
6. Do you have any rituals you always make time for?
Yes. I always make time to slow down now, I was a workaholic before getting sober, I never stopped. My calendar was always full. Now I give myself permission to do nothing. I even take a nap sometimes!
7. What’s your favourite thing to do (hangover free & not drinking) at the weekend?
My favourite thing to do on the weekend is spend time with my wife and family. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. It’s just amazing to be fully present and engaged (not under the influence of alcohol or drugs) with the people you love the most.
8. When it comes to your own personal development, what is one thing that you’re working on or learning right now?
I’m working on progress, not perfection. I’ve always based my self-worth on my performance and beat myself up for making mistakes. I’m still learning that I’m good enough. I don’t have to do anything to earn it. I just am.
9. What is the one thing you’re obsessed with at the moment that’s making your life better?
I’m obsessed with the new business I’ve started, The Sober Hipster and empowering women in their journey of recovery and creativity. When I’m giving back and in service to others my life is always better.
10. And finally, thinking differently about alcohol can be challenging and isolating, is there any advice you turned to or do you have any words of wisdom for people reading this?
Try to do life one day at a time. Ask yourself, what is the next right thing and do that. Soon one day will turn into a week and then a month and then a year.